All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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