apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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