why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
