I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
