She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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