fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
