Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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