Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
