someone get that fucking seahorse.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just blew my weed a kiss
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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