I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
