so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize