Please, let me fuck your mom
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
