This is not my ceiling
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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