He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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