Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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