it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Drunk is not a location!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
