i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
