i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize