You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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