why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize