Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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