Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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