I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
