HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize