One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
