I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
