I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do vagina's smell?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
