He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my being single is dangerous.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
