I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
