I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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