hell yes lets make some ravioli
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
