We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
