so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
