this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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