Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
