my room smells like sperm. sweet.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
