You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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