We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize