Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm just crazy horny about you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
