I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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