Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
