When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
