does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
