Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
