Fine. I'll sleep in my office
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
