and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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