never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
