A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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