every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
