Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize