her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
