The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
