My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
