Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
