I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
