Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
