I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
