I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
