hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
