singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
