dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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