never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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