the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
