Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Nicole vs. Life
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
