I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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