i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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