Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
