Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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