gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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