Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
