I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
