hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
