Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
