so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I deserve this hangover.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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